Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Letting Go Takes Love

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
To let go and to let God, is to find peace!

~ Author unknown

Friday, December 3, 2010

Prayer of Forgiveness

The tears I shed, I forgive.
The suffering and disappointments, I forgive.
The betrayals and lies, I forgive.
The slandering and scheming, I forgive.
The hatred and persecution, I forgive.
The punches that were given, I forgive.
The shattered dreams, I forgive.
The dead hopes, I forgive.
The disaffection and jealousy, I forgive.
The indifference and ill will, I forgive.
The injustice in the name of justice, I forgive.
The anger and mistreatment, I forgive.
The neglect and oblivion, I forgive.
The world with all its evil, I forgive.
Grief and resentment, I replace with understanding and agreement.
Revolt, I replace with music that comes from my violin.
Pain I replace with oblivion.
Revenge, I replace with victory.
I will be able to love above all discontentment.
To give even when I am stripped of everything.
To work happily even when I find myself in the midst of all obstacles.
To dry tears even when I am still crying.
To believe even when I am discredited.

quote from Paulo Coelho new book The Aleph (O Aleph)

Monday, November 15, 2010


United: bodies, thoughts
Shared: laughter, tenderness, togetherness
Timing. Off.
Share: laughter, tenderness, friendship, understanding
Late night heart-to-heart
Doubt. Choices. Old dreams
Timing. Off.
You. Can’t turn back time.
Duties. Expectations. Consequences.
I. Let go.
And Love.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Method in one's madness

i’m talking about sex with the ex.

sex with the ex even when he or she was the lying, cheating, manipulative, scum of the earth kind. why do we do it?

apparently, it is quite common. exes have sex with each other after a break up (or a divorce) because when a relationship ends, there’s the physical split, and there’s the emotional split, and those two things don’t usually happen at the same time. having sex again can be a way to achieve that emotional closure (or it can obstruct it).

to figure out if intimacy with an ex will be positive or negative, we need to check why and how often we’re doing it. a few booty calls to gain closure can generally be OK. exactly how many? one time? two? twenty? hmm... any thing more than five only means we are perpetuating the emotional connection. how can a person move on if he/she can’t let go? so the most important thing to do is to ask why we’re doing it.

does delusion, anger or fear have anything to do with it?

delusion: if a person is caught up in “love is a passionate, china-shattering fight, followed by an all-night tango” i.e. sleeping with the ex because he/she mistakenly believes the two of them belong together (sigh!) the one who is delusional could be in trouble.

anger: the classic woo-and-drop revenge routine: when the injured party (i.e. the one who got dumped, particularly for another man/woman) rekindles the flame in order to turn around and do the dumping. this is particularly inappropriate, not to mention dark and twisted.

fear: the dread of getting back into the market; intimacy with the devil you know to avoid all the devils you don’t know lurking on the dating scene.

why did i do it? admittedly, with one ex i was delusional (i was 20 if that counts) and i did get in trouble. with another ex it was fear. i’d much rather be with the devil who knew how to push all the right buttons (if you know what I mean) than dealing with others who are sorted of … unsatisfactory.

do I still have any exes in my bedroom closet? the answer is no. i stay in contact with one ex but only because i genuinely like him. do i enjoy his company? i do very much. do i have any desire to have him in my bed again? certainly not.

i guess another reason why it can be ok to “go there” again is the possibility that two people really do belong together. it can happen. however, the only way it can work is if they get help for the old problems that caused them to split up in the first place. don’t just skip over the past and pretend that everything’s wonderful or soon they’ll find themselves riding that same emotional roller coaster ... again... and again... and again.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Growing Up With Chaos – Keep It Your History Not Your Fate

Daughters – John Mayer
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
a daughter's relationship with her father is usually her first male-female relationship. from dad, little girls gain their first reflection of themselves as a female. they develop a sense of acceptance or non-acceptance; they feel valued or discounted. self-respect is initially based upon respect received from others. their self-concept as a female person is largely shaped by this early relationship. in short, children regard themselves as they think others regard them... and dad is an important person in her life.

part of a girl’s psyche is created by what her father reflect back to her. a girl needs to know that a man loves her, values her, will protect her, and will be dependable for her. she needs to be able to relax, be affectionate, and know that she is safe with certain males. she needs to be regarded as a person, not as a sexual object. when a little girl develops modesty and learns that she has a right to privacy, she develops a healthy sense of boundaries. she learns how to say "no", which will be an essential interpersonal skill as she becomes more social. father-daughter relationships are, also, an important place to learn how to negotiate fairly and compromise appropriately. if father is fair and listens to his daughter's thoughts, she will gain self-confidence and pride in her own opinion. when a daughter learns to communicate with her father, and trust that her opinion will count, she can develop self-assuredness which will allow her to be assertive and stand up for herself. this is very different from aggressive reactions which stem from a sense of powerlessness and combativeness. it takes years for this influence to sink in and develop inside a girl. and this can’t happen if dad’s not there much.

when a girl doesn’t have her father in her daily life, she really misses something. when divorce or separation happens, sometime things really turn out ok and sometimes they don’t. in any case, this kind of disruption can keep a child frozen in a certain emotional age.

girls commonly interpret divorce as personal rejection from her father. she will, also, naively believe that if her father isn’t around, it is because she isn’t engaging, smart, pretty, or valuable enough. without this clear daily influence from her father, she will look for other males to fill in the emptiness. she will seek the love, strength, sense of value, and protection from a sexual relationship to fill the hole left by her father and his missing influence. she will emotional cling to her boyfriend and avoid breaking off , emotionally unavailable and/or abusive relationships for fear of losing a man all over again. unfortunately, many (girls and) young women seek sexual relationships out of emptiness. they can go on this fruitless search for male approval many years before they understand what they’ve been doing…

…until they wised up to know: No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again

“the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” (Joan Didion) it is true that the family is a training ground for all future relationships. many things are learned and many things are taught. however, as adults, one must take personal responsibility. it is time to grow up and to admit: i alone am responsible for making my life happy. stop avoiding. stop telling that story over and over “mommy never loved me much, daddy never keeps in touch…” stop the blame game. stop holding grudges. stop the self-destruction. stop. stop. stop. start reaching in. start reaching out. start forgiving. start the healing process.

“the day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise” (Alden Nowlan)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

We are all meant to shine..

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
years ago i was depressed. the depression was triggered by the breakup of my first romantic relationship. that breakup, combined with my childhood wounds, shredded my heart for a really long time. i could not get over it. i tried to get over it by getting into some unhealthy relationships. no matter where i went or what i did, i couldn’t shake the sadness. i was in a place full of pain and anxiety. those feelings crippled me. for close to eighteen years, though from the outside i behaved quite normal but i was limping through life with a seemingly endless supply of tears.

by the time i came to Mary, my therapist, i was a mess. Mary (God bless her) helped me understand that i didn’t have to get over it. i just need to get through it. what a relief that was! a big part of my depression stemmed from feeling guilty about not being able to “get over it”. i felt like there was something wrong with me. i felt weak and worthless. “get through it” those three words set me free. eventually, i learned to accept my depression (because love would be a very strong word). and then, i began to heal – however long it took. it has taken a long time for me to truly believe this, and it requires ongoing effort to change my pattern. if I’m not careful, it is easy to spend long, boring hours ruminating about my losses and my fears. if i don’t stop myself, i analyze my life from every conceivable angle in a desperate but doomed search for a solution to my problems. but in this context, thinking is not the answer. it only keeps my frustrations on center stage, and accelerates the engine of anxiety. i’m fully aware that i have the emotional tendency to slip into long-term sadness. i’m not embarrassed. i’m not worried. i’m not the kind of person who can ignore her emotions, and i feel things very deeply. this is just who i am and it's okay. whatever i need to feel, now or in the future, i’ll feel in my own way, at my own pace.

and i have managed quite well… until these past few weeks.

unintentionally, i offended someone. i thought I was helping and though i meant no harm, my words upset that person. that got me thinking (uh oh) and triggered my old patterns. my anxiety hit the roof and i feel a little more depressed everyday. my “fear of rejection” pattern due to “defectiveness” schema is in full operation (very scientific!). the fact that maybe I had given someone reason to believe i was horrible, because maybe i was. i tried to soothe my anxiety by reasoning that my intention came from the heart. what went wrong i cannot wrap my head around it?

it has been two weeks since i last sat down to meditate because i am so anxious i can’t sit still with my breath. the truth is i avoided meditation in order to not have to witness and watch my thoughts for fear of what will come up. but i also hate walking around knowing every cell in my body was sad. it feels like carrying around a giant backpack full of bricks, i am physically and emotionally exhausted.

so I sat down to breathe and focus on what my heart is trying to say. slowly the thoughts came untangled and my head feels light. only then, I realized …

… kindness doesn’t always win.

not everyone wants kindness to visit and stay. kindness also has adversaries, like self-hate, self-doubt, and self-criticism, and those enemies must be ousted (hence the irritability/hostility) before kindness can have a safe place to dwell. people have to get used to kindness. at first, kindness can feel scary, uncomfortable… even unwelcome. one has to develop a strong preference for kindness before one will feel the willingness and courage to choose kindness – insist on it – on a daily basis.

when i decided to seek professional help i was beginning to perceive that unkindness no longer worked for me. i was getting tired of the angry voices of addictive thoughts and behaviors, low self-esteem, self-criticism, and others’ critical voices that replace the potential for joy with pain and sadness. it can be quite challenging to make the leap from unkindness to kindness without someone to help make the transition. i was lucky to have a great psychologist and friends, family members – angels really who show me kindness at key points along the way.

but ultimately it was my choice to be happy. too often we look for others to solve our problems, provide fulfillment or soothe us when we’re stressed and anxious. it is simple (yet difficult) to put the control of our happiness and relationships in our own hands. rather than be a victim of circumstances, get active in solving our own problems. although there are circumstances and events which we are powerless to change, we can change how we respond to them and how we take care of ourselves during difficult times.

i have faith in myself, my emotions, and my abilities as a human being. i no longer insist on perfection from my self or from others. all i can hope for is to be myself, to love and to accept myself, even on those days when i act insensitive. we all have those days when we are not at our very best. however, it is how we come to term with ourselves and our actions that sometimes remind us of how far we have come.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Wisdoms from Murphy

he is my everyday proof that i am capable of making sound decisions. he is my one constant reminder that when in doubt ask what is the most compassionate thing to do. he shows me love is simple and a gentle touch can soothe the soul better than a thousand words. read on!

  1. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in
  2. Nap often
  3. Encourage the person you love to take naps with you. When you take naps together, make sure to cuddle up under the blanket and get as close as you can
  4. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours
  5. Variety is the spice of life
  6. Always be ready to play. Know how to recognize the playful look in the person you love, and immediately start playing
  7. Make the world your playground
  8. When in trouble, just smile and look cute
  9. When you are happy to see someone, let him or her know
  10. Smile when the person you love is anywhere near you. It will encourage him or her to get closer to you while feeling appreciated
  11. Talk to the one you love. It makes him or her feel loved, appreciated and important
  12. Don't be afraid to ask to be touched
  13. Always comfort the person you love, regardless of whether he or she needs emotional or physical comfort. Cuddling, caressing, or just being near are sure cures for almost anything
  14. Always give generously
  15. Life can be hard, and then you nap

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Nice Guys...

 "This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well-deserved vindication is coming."
i am guilty as charged. i used ALL of the illogical, irrational "explanations" as to why i couldn't date a nice guy. and worse still, there was a time i couldn't see a nice guy even if he stood in front of me with a "i am a nice guy" blinking neon sign. the only thing i can say in my defense is that i was young, messed up and didn't know any better.
i have since grew up, shaped up and wised up and i do appreciate nice guys. i learned that actions speak louder than words and that real nice guys speak volumes through their deeds. the nice guys are the ones who show up, step up and follow through.
for all the nice guys out there know that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. be patient, us girls will come to our senses one day and we will ever be so grateful to have you by our side.
but you already knew that except you are too nice to say "i told you so"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The knots prayer

i received this as a chained letter a while ago and liked it a lot. i saved it so i can come back to it when i feel these "nots" begin running through my mind, take over my life  and create knots in my stomach and in my heart. this prayer helps me focus on who i am rather than who i tell myself i am not. it is also a reminder to think about everything i've got done so far, how far i've come.

i hope it will do the same for you.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

ਮੁੰਦਾ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਸਰਮੁ ਪਤੁ ਝੋਲੀ ਧਿਆਨ ਕੀ ਕਰਹਿ ਬਿਭੂਤਿ Aadays tisai aadays...

Mundaa santokh saram path jholee
dhi-aan kee kareh bibhoot
Khinta kaal kuaree kaa-i-aa
Jugat dandaa partheet
Aa-ee pant'hee sagal jamaatee
man jeetai jag jeet.

Translation: Make contentment your earrings, humility your begging bowl, and meditation the ashes you apply to your body.

Let the thought of death be the patched coat you wear, chastity your way in the world, and let faith in the Lord be your walking stick.

See the brotherhood and sisterhood of all humankind as the highest order of Yogis; conquer your own mind, and you shall conquer the world.

Aadays Tisai Aadays Aad Aneel Anaad Anaahat Jug Jug Ayko Vays.

All honor to the One,
Hail the Primal Being
whose attributes cannot be described,
Who is without beginning,
the Unstruck Sound,
and whose form is
One through every Age.

Meditation to Overcome Fear:

Mudra: Sit on your heels with a straight spine. Stretch the arms straight out in front, parallel to the ground. The palms are flat and facing the ground, fingers pointing straight forward. The arms will be shoulder-width apart.

Movement: Alternate between (a) and (b) in the following way: Begin in position (a)

Aadays (b) Raise the arms up to 60 degrees
Tisai (a) Bring the arms parallel to the ground in front
Aadays (b) Arms up to 60 degrees
Aad (a) Arms straight in front
Aneel (b) Arms up to 60 degrees
Anaad (a) Arms straight in front
Anaahat (b) Arms up to 60 degrees
Jug-jug (a) Arms straight in front
Ayko (b) Arms up to 60 degrees
Vays (a) Arms straight in front

Continue keeping the hands and elbows held straight out firmly, and with no bend, fingers pointing straight forward, chin pulled slightly in, and spine straight. This is done in a precise beat, done with a projection of strength.

Eyes: Tip of the nose.

Time: Done in class for about 23-1/2 minutes

End: Inhale deeply, stretch the spine, and hold for 10 seconds. Exhale. Repeat one more time. Relax.

this is a beautiful and peaceful song. i first heard it during a yoga class. the class, as i remember, was quite challenging plus i had to deal with some of life's unpleasantness at the time, yet when this song came on, it felt like all my burdens were lifted. i meditate with this song playing in the background and i think my cat enjoys listening to it as well ;o)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Live like a cat

us human have lots to learn from our pets. they live life in the present, no drama, no muss, and no fuss. ok maybe some fuss but completely on their terms. that is because animals don’t care what others think about them. they spontaneously do what makes them happy at that very moment, eat when they are hungry, sleep anywhere at any time, and ask when they want affection. all the “coulds”, “shoulds”, and “what ifs” don’t exist.

murphy, my cat, trusts me completely everyday of his life. he trusts that i will care and protect him. he doesn't question my love and kindness. to murphy, love is a no brainer: he knows i love him and he loves me right back. there’s no “i like you but i don’t love you” or “though he/she hurts me but i can’t bring myself to stay away” or other lame and foolish excuses. he doesn’t long for the people who abandoned him nor does he try to run away from me because i tell him i love him. love and happiness are good just like colourful ribbons and treats. just accept and enjoy.

well then what's stopping us from doing the same? why won't we accept love and joy and let go of the drama? because joy scares us more than pain. PAIN IS FAMILIAR. love and joy breed dangerous hope and the potential for disappointment. we would rather stay with the devil we know.

compares to our pets we're dumb.

today, NOW, i vow to live like a cat: to do what i love and not care what other people think of me, to surround myself with kind, trusting and trustworthy people, to always choose goodness and happiness and to be bold to ask for the love i deserve.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Yoga (United): Monday Jul. 12th, 2010

  • Centering: Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclining Bound Angle Pose)
  • Supta Padangusthasana (Reclining Big Toe Pose) (Right/Left)
  • Dandasana (Staff Pose), lift engaged leg 1 inch off of floor (Right/Left)
  • Tadasana (Mountain Pose) legs are engaged, "smiling knees"
  • Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation) (slow) stay for 5 breaths at Down Dog
  • Adho Mukha Svanasana (Down Dog) feet against wall. Knees bent, lift pelvis, straighten legs, engaged thighs.
  • Upward Salute with fingers interlaced x 2
  • Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation) (slow) stay for 5 breaths at Down Dog
  • Garudasana (Eagle Pose) arms only x 2
  • Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation) (slow) stay for 5 breaths at Down Dog
  • Prayer hands behind back
  • Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation) (slow) stay for 5 breaths at Down Dog
  • Trikonasana (Triangle pose)
  • Virabhadrasana III (Warrior III Pose) with top leg against wall
  • Prasarita Padottanasana (Wide-Legged Forward Bend)
  • Halasana (Plow Pose) with blanket for shoulders and chair for feet
  • Setu Bandha (Bridge Pose) with block under sacrum
  • Savasana (Corpse Pose)  

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Never settle for anything less than what you really want

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

 too often we don't ask for what we really want because we don't know our self worth. as much as we may want something, we don’t believe that we deserve or can have the best that life has to offer. so we rationalize away and we settle for a lot less. the more we settle, the less we get. the more we settle, the more drama we invite into our life.

THE INVITATION inspires me to live passionately and with integrity and to ask for what i really want. this is what we all yearn for all our life and it is certainly not too much to ask.

say it with me: "i'm worth it."